Heads or Tales column

Column by Mark Jabo
Heads or Tales is a weekly column that brings an amusing, if slightly cynical, perspective to world events. The column takes particular delight in skewering the pompous and championing the clever. Sure, the column has a problem with authority ...but at least it has a sense of humor about it.

Golden Slumbers Fill Your Skies
Some people just can't leave well enough alone. Or, as my first grade teacher used to say, "It only takes one bad apple to ruin things for everyone else." So, you can imagine how upset I was to find out that some crackpot engineer had been tampering..read on

It\'s Getting Hot in Here
It's getting harder and harder these days to tell the lunatics without a scorecard. Forget about sexy, it's time People Magazine came out with a 100 Wackiest People issue. At one time Michael Jackson might have been a lock to head this list, but the ..read on

Used and Abused
If you got upset every time someone lied to you, it would be almost impossible to function in daily society. You wouldn't be able buy a car, vote or go out on a date. Driving, voting and sex have a lot in common. They can get mes..read on

Fly, Robin, Fly
I'm starting to hear people getting all excited about bird flu . . .again. Just so there's no misunderstanding, let me put in my request early this year: leave me alone. I will not be getting a flu shot this year . . . again. For like, the te..read on

New Miracle Diet Helps Shed Unwanted Success
GUARANTEED RESULTS FROM NEW BREAKTHROUGH DIET! ============================================ Are you successful? Are you tired of life being just too damn easy? Do you have a career, power or money you'd like to get rid o..read on

The New Global Epidemic
There's been a lot of talk about the obesity epidemic in the United States. As if somehow not being able to pass on your fourth Big Mac now qualifies as a major health problem.The next step in the discussion usually centers on "the costs" of ..read on

Fear of Flying
Some people are afraid of flying. [pic1]Me? I'm terrified of landing. Because that's when the flight attendant makes the announcement that people are free to use their cell phones. If I hear one more person give an excruciatingly detailed descrip..read on

KEEP ON ROCKIN\'
. . . because what else are you going to do? As we edge closer to springtime (and a new concert season), it seems only fitting we take the time to look back on last year's creaky concert tours. Can you remember a time when more acts with one foot in..read on

Roses Are Red . . .
Good news for all you freelance writers out there . . . Hallmark announced this week that they are expanding their greeting card line. Not content to churn out trite sentiments and pithy rhymes for birthdays, deaths, wedding, bar mitzvahs, friendshi..read on

Random Rants
Greetings, loyal readers. Occasionally, I have trouble picking a single topic to write about - maybe it's because there are so many crazy stories in the news, maybe it's my attention deficit disorder acting up or, quite possibly..read on

Baseball, Apple Pie and . . .
I have a new favorite baseball team. Every few years, I switch team allegiances. Ex-girlfriends and Boston Red Sox fans will suggest this is symptomatic of my inability to sustain a long-term relationship. I will admit tha..read on

Might As Well Face It You\'re Addicted to . . . Everything!
No less an authority than George Bush recently declared that the entire nation was "addicted" to oil. From a Republican viewpoint, you might excuse the President from engaging in a bit of political hyperbole. From a Democratic standpoint, the Preside..read on

One More Cup of Coffee Before I Go
From time to time, I've been known to criticize a few silly inventions in this space. This week, we're going to change all that as we salute an awesome new invention: caffeinated soap.The person who invented this should get the Nobel prize for what..read on

You Gotta Have Faith
"Well, I guess it would be nice . . ." Wen-I Chang recently completed the Gaia Hotel and Spa, an environmentally friendly hotel located in California's Napa Valley. How environmentally friendly is it? Guests at the hotel won'..read on

Binge and Splurge
An ancient philosopher (either Plato or Courtney Love) once said, "Moderation is best." The ancient Greeks didn't have a word for "buzz kill" or Anna Nicole Smith, so that pronouncement was allowed to stand, unchallenged, for centuries. By n..read on

Stop the Violence
There is a lot of concern these days about the increasing level of violence in our society. Some people blame aberrant behavior on video games. At the same time, many people would agree that breaking the cycle of violence star..read on

Freedom of Choice
As Americans we love to do everything to excess. We invented Las Vegas, the Hummer and DD breast implants. We invented fast food with the idea that you could grab a quick bite when you were pressed for time. But that wasn't enough. We had to super-si..read on

Boxer James Toney to be Honored ... Or Not
Please join me (and tens of Los Angelenos) in saluting the career of boxing great James "Lights Out" Toney. "Oooh, it feels good to be me ..." With a career record of 70-6-3, Toney has held world titles at middleweight, super-middleweig..read on

Suitable For Framing
Most of the news we get force-fed here in America tends to be focused on European and North American stories. There's all kinds of stuff going on in the rest of the world, but let's face it - do you really care what's going on in Uzbekistan? ..read on

Compost Mortem
He's not dead ... he's just pining for the fjords ... In the pecking party to go green, everybody's getting in on the fun. Even funeral directors. Next weekend's featured speaker at the annual meeting of the Funeral Consumers Alli..read on

Okay, Now ... Just Breathe
Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Did you think just because you bought all your food within a 75-foot radius of your house, wore clothes made out recycled water bottles and only went online when you could find a friend to share the same monitor that yo..read on