Is it possible to fully regain trust after your partner or spouse cheats on you? Absolutely. It is hard work, but entirely possible given enough time and attention. After you get past the initial shock and decide whether or not to forgive the discrepancy, you will need help in strengthening your relationship and relearning how to communicate post-affair. Here's an encouraging statistic for you: more than half of all married couples decide to stay together instead of splitting up after an affair has been revealed.
To help you on the road to a healthier and stronger relationship, here are foursteps that are essential to regaining trust:
1. Communication is key. Perhaps the affair began because one of you became too busy or too tired to talk in the evenings. Maybe the routines of your days left you both feeling stale and uninspired to communicate at all, which may have led to an infidelity outside of your marriage. Healthy communication is vital to any relationship and it's something that has to happen on a daily basis in order to keep two people feeling connected to each other. Even if it causes disagreements or arguments, communicating your true thoughts and feelings with one another is key to developing a healthy relationship. You must be comfortable in truthfully communicating your wants, needs, and desires to your partner in order for there to be healthy communication. This includes feeling angry, hurt, betrayed, and mad as hell at your partner for having an affair in the first place. Express these feelings openly in order to get on the path to regaining trust in your relationship.
2. Make sure your needs are being met-emotional, psychological, and physical. Be sure that you and your spouse are turning to each other to meet each other's needs in these three critically important areas. If you are unsure about how to proceed with this step, seek counseling with a professional. Always be aware of where you stand with your partner because it can go a long way toward reassuring you that he or she is in it for the long run. If the issue is a physical one, take the time to rule out any physical or physiological problems and then work on your intimacy issues together. This may take a while to work through, but just remember that you are working together toward the same goal...a healthier, happier marriage.
3. Going forward, the cheating spouse must be transparent with everything. Because of the hurt inflicted on you by the betrayal, it is a must that the cheating spouse be transparent in all things now â€" including complete access to his or her your text messages, emails, social media, etc. No more secrets. You are working through a broken heart and trying to rebuild trust and save your marriage or relationship. Part of that rebuilding process is having any and all information you need in order to do that. Being able to take a look at your partner's phone whenever you want will go a long away toward gaining that trust back over time. Just remember that it's an ongoing process so be sure and communicate clearly what your expectations are in terms of transparency. You don't want to be your spouse's babysitter, but you do require some open honesty about his or her whereabouts and goings-on.
4. Learn to truly forgive and move forward. Many marriage counselors have reported that forgiveness is the number one quality needed to heal from betrayal and save any relationship. Although it will take some time, your relationship can only heal if you do the hard work and truly forgive the person for their betrayal. If you believe in saving the marriage strongly enough, you will have to come to a place of acceptance, forgiveness, and an attitude of looking forward to the future with the person instead of constantly thinking of the betrayal you've experienced.Couples counseling and individual therapy are always excellent ideas when you have relationship issues, so don't hesitate to use the resources available to you and your partner to truly learn forgiveness.
Even if you master these four steps you may still have some lingering doubts, which can be very corrosive to your relationship and your own self-image. Sometimes the only way you can be sure of your partner is to hire a private investigator and have him or her followed by an impartial third party. According to Manhattan private investigator Darrin Giglio, "People hire us for their peace of mind. Sometimes we will tell a spouse that there really is no evidence that their mate is cheating on them. That's important."
It's a tough process to regain someone's trust after being betrayed, but it is doable. Statistics bear out that it can take up to two years for a couple to work past an infidelity so don't expect overnight miracles to heal your wounded relationship.Once you are on the path to solid footing, keep up the hard work and you will be rewarded with an even stronger, healthier relationship.
To help you on the road to a healthier and stronger relationship, here are foursteps that are essential to regaining trust:
1. Communication is key. Perhaps the affair began because one of you became too busy or too tired to talk in the evenings. Maybe the routines of your days left you both feeling stale and uninspired to communicate at all, which may have led to an infidelity outside of your marriage. Healthy communication is vital to any relationship and it's something that has to happen on a daily basis in order to keep two people feeling connected to each other. Even if it causes disagreements or arguments, communicating your true thoughts and feelings with one another is key to developing a healthy relationship. You must be comfortable in truthfully communicating your wants, needs, and desires to your partner in order for there to be healthy communication. This includes feeling angry, hurt, betrayed, and mad as hell at your partner for having an affair in the first place. Express these feelings openly in order to get on the path to regaining trust in your relationship.
2. Make sure your needs are being met-emotional, psychological, and physical. Be sure that you and your spouse are turning to each other to meet each other's needs in these three critically important areas. If you are unsure about how to proceed with this step, seek counseling with a professional. Always be aware of where you stand with your partner because it can go a long way toward reassuring you that he or she is in it for the long run. If the issue is a physical one, take the time to rule out any physical or physiological problems and then work on your intimacy issues together. This may take a while to work through, but just remember that you are working together toward the same goal...a healthier, happier marriage.
3. Going forward, the cheating spouse must be transparent with everything. Because of the hurt inflicted on you by the betrayal, it is a must that the cheating spouse be transparent in all things now â€" including complete access to his or her your text messages, emails, social media, etc. No more secrets. You are working through a broken heart and trying to rebuild trust and save your marriage or relationship. Part of that rebuilding process is having any and all information you need in order to do that. Being able to take a look at your partner's phone whenever you want will go a long away toward gaining that trust back over time. Just remember that it's an ongoing process so be sure and communicate clearly what your expectations are in terms of transparency. You don't want to be your spouse's babysitter, but you do require some open honesty about his or her whereabouts and goings-on.
4. Learn to truly forgive and move forward. Many marriage counselors have reported that forgiveness is the number one quality needed to heal from betrayal and save any relationship. Although it will take some time, your relationship can only heal if you do the hard work and truly forgive the person for their betrayal. If you believe in saving the marriage strongly enough, you will have to come to a place of acceptance, forgiveness, and an attitude of looking forward to the future with the person instead of constantly thinking of the betrayal you've experienced.Couples counseling and individual therapy are always excellent ideas when you have relationship issues, so don't hesitate to use the resources available to you and your partner to truly learn forgiveness.
Even if you master these four steps you may still have some lingering doubts, which can be very corrosive to your relationship and your own self-image. Sometimes the only way you can be sure of your partner is to hire a private investigator and have him or her followed by an impartial third party. According to Manhattan private investigator Darrin Giglio, "People hire us for their peace of mind. Sometimes we will tell a spouse that there really is no evidence that their mate is cheating on them. That's important."
It's a tough process to regain someone's trust after being betrayed, but it is doable. Statistics bear out that it can take up to two years for a couple to work past an infidelity so don't expect overnight miracles to heal your wounded relationship.Once you are on the path to solid footing, keep up the hard work and you will be rewarded with an even stronger, healthier relationship.
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