Do we really need The Ten Commandments?

Religion! Ah...there's a word that crashes into a conversation like a Steer on a Segway. Nothing creates more drama, tension, and war than the old 'my imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend' debate.

So do we need religion? I can't really comment on Islam (because let's face it, nobody can, the western world usually just issues a law suit when somebody gets offended, Muslims launch a Jihad), Judaism, Hinduism or any of the other 200 Million religions that seem to be floating around. So, I'm going to concentrate on the only religion I've had any exposure to (beside my beloved Tottenham Hotspur Football Club), Christianity.

Christians are basically good people, right? I mean they have to be, they have to live by Gods Ten Commandments - which, lets face it, would cause total outrage if it was released today by some government think tank. I've been thinking about these 10 Commandments, and how they apply to me and my life here in 2008. So in no particular order the obvious one to start with is 'Thou Shalt Not Kill'. Do they really think that with this here commandment, we'd all be out stabbing each other to death? Give us a bit more credit there, God. I mean, we are civilized human beings! Even the Scottish.

"Thou Shalt not steal" is fair enough, but again...do they think that by not pointing this out on an ancient tablet, we'd be looting the shopping malls every weekend? I suppose it'd be one way to beat the queues.

Let's have a look at a few of the others. Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy. I've got to ask...Is this open to interpretation? By 'keep it holy' do you mean go to church or can we worship at another alter? Surely watching the NFL with a Beer and some pretzels is as close to a religious experience as you can get?

Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name of your god. Well that's easy enough; we don't actually know his name. We call him by his job title alone, an honour only bestowed upon Him and possibly Superman.

Thou Shalt not make yourself an Idol. So, then, God...does this mean that you will smite those who have dared to enter Pop Idol (or American Idol as it's more famously called stateside)? What about poor old Billy Idol? Is he going to hell?

Thou Shalt not covet thy neighbours house? Look, God...I live in an industrial city in the north-east of England. Have a look down my street next time you're on your rounds. All the houses look the same!

Now, here's one...Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours wife. So, if God lived next door to a happily married couple, but she was a Hottie of the highest order, is he saying he wouldn't have a sneaky peak over the garden fence while she's out sunbathing? Oh, Come on!

Even if you do have a bit of a crush on your neighbours wife, wooing her would be very difficult. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, remember? Best find a nice, single girl.

Erm...ok. Thou Shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour? What is that all about? Don't provide him with an alibi? That makes sense, I mean if he commits a crime and needs an alibi but you cannot provide that because you're a good Christian, him being given hard time in the stoney lonesome would give you an excellent opportunity to console that hot wife of his.

Hmm...thou shalt have no other gods before me? Aww, thats a shame. Time to take down those David Beckham posters.

The last one, Honour Thy Mother and Father. Easy. Mum and Dad, if this article gets published, I'd like to dedicate it to you.

Okay, so I'm a bit of a cynic, and I'm sure they mean well, but maybe, just maybe it's time for God to get these commandments updated to fit a more modern lifestyle?

Thou Shalt worship Brangelina, anyone?