Dear Diary,
What can you say about children other than they are a complete blessing in our lives.Well, I agree. But, boy do they make you crazy sometimes. Take for instance my 6 year old son. He has come to the age where there has to be an explanation for everything I say. And I mean absolutely everything. An example would be " Mommy, why do I have to go to bed at 8?" Simple question right? Wrong! I go on to explain to him that he has to go to bed at this certain time so he can get enough rest to be able to manage the next day. And then comes the "why?" Before you know it you have dug yourself into "why is the sky blue?" and "why can't I eat ice cream for breakfast?". All I know that at the end of the day I have probably come up with answers that have never been thought of or I walk out fo my son's room just baffled about it all.
This is when I realized just how much my son looks to me for answers. And how more afraid I am to let go of him as he grows. I keep hoping that the older he gets the simpler the question's.But I know better than that.The questions will be harder to answer and the situations will be more serious. And instead of talking about why the sky is blue we will soon be talking about differences he may see in himself from others, sex and drugs. As I sit here and think about that, I get more afraid. Because I fear that maybe I won't have the answers to all of his questions. I want my son to be able to talk to me about anything.I think every parent wants that.
Then I ask, what is the best way to prepare myself for these moments? I find myself going to my parents, talking to other parents, and even reading a few books.But, I have to say that intuition is a pretty good thing to have as well. You know when something is wrong with your child. You know when they isolate themselves from you and friends. Of course I haven't been through that stage with my son.But, I know how I was as a teen and what I did as a cry for help. I also know that one day I will need my teenage years to be able to relate to my son when he gets to that stage.
I guess what I am trying to say is that children are such a blessing and at times they do make you want to pull your hair out. And maybe it is a little tough for us to see them grow up and boy, does it seem so fast.But, we were once there also doing the same to our parents. And I guess it's ok to have that fear of not knowing how to approach a situation or not knowing all the answers.As long as you are there for them. And as long as you see what's going on. I know that my son will be 18 in a blink in the eye. And maybe I am afraid to let him grow up because it seems all to sudden. But, I know that I have to let go one day and maybe things won't be as bad as I fear.However, I do hope that I have the courage and strength to carry me through those years. I remember ,myself as a child and I just hope the future won't be too harsh on me!
Till next time....
xoxo's
Penny
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