This article belongs to Life's Like This column.
"You have to take off your T-shirt first and then put on the Green Dress. Don't put the Green Dress on the T-shirt", replied the Nurse with a you-are-so-dumb smile.I was in the Hospital to consult the doctor about the Fatty Lumps that ruled my arms since I was 18 Years old. Surprisingly(and Sadly for me), I was told to wait for half an hour, after which the Doctor would be available for the Surgery. My dad had brought me here, saying it was consultation alone. But I never thought he would take a sudden decision like this. I gulped down the fear down my throat. Suddenly, I began sweating with my Heart pounding at Maximum Speed. The Chief Nurse ordered the other Nurse to shave off the region where the surgery was to be performed. I went inside a room next to the operation theatre. The regions on both the sides of my arms were shaved off the hair. The Nurse then gave me a Green Coloured dress and told me to wear it. And you know what happened after that.
I was, now, all green and resembled a Parrot. I could feel the Nurse already controlling her laughter behind my back. As if the humiliation wasn't enough, the Nurse told me to sit near the Reception where most patients were waiting for their turn to consult the Doctor. I knew if I went out in a dressed-to-kill costume like this I would either be the center of attraction for all the Giggling or the cause of the heart-attack of numerous Old Age men sitting outside. "No Problem! I am fine here", I answered the Nurse. "He is shy because of the Dress", told my Dad who had accompanied me to the Hospital. "Yeah! Yeah!", I told myself. The Nurse then moved me to the adjacent room.
The room, from what it looked like, was for Ladies-only. Need I say more. There were writings written all over, "Sex Determination is against the Law and isn't done here". "Hmm!!!!",I let out a long breath to calm myself down. I was getting thoughts. Thoughts of Dreadful and Creepy, blood sucking INJECTIONS. Man! I remember my sister bending one when she was a Child. "Humans are so technically ahead now. Why cant they find a Substitute for Injection when they know everyone fears it", I asked myself curiously.
10 minutes in the same room, and I found that people passing by the room weren't noticing me at all. People of my hometown are normally curious about anything and everything. Maybe, because I was like a Chameleon that had switched over to Green and camouflaged itself to the colour of the room.
Moments later, the Nurse gestured me to get into the Operation Theatre. I quickly passed through the corridor so that no one would get a chance to notice me and cherish this Kodak moment.
I entered the operation theatre. I was made to lie over a Metallic Cot. The Nurse moved the upper half of the Cot up, by rotating a rod just below my head. I stared up at the Two round lights exactly in front of me. They resembled the UFOs that I had seen in "Close encounters of the Third kind". Each of the UFOs had 4 Lights below. The doc turned the lights to life to Glimmer above me.
Since the operation was to be performed on both the hands, I was made to stretch them out, like Jesus Christ when he was crucified on the Cross. "Crucifixion?",I asked myself and gulped down another fear. I kept repeating in my mind, "The doctor said this is a MINOR surgery. There is nothing to be worried of.MINOR, MINOR, MINOR" . Man! I calmed myself down. My hard work went in vain when the Nurse turned back revealing the deadly injection in her hand. The doc had now clipped the wires of the Pulse-Measuring device to my finger and I could hear the frequency of the sound, which was actually my heartbeat, rising as the Nurse was moving closer with the injection. "Ok! Do it!", I closed my eyes. "I have to put an Injection on your shoulders, it wouldn't hurt", said the Nurse. "Yeah! Yeah! Injections wont hurt, like chocolates aren't sweet. Come on. Do it". To humiliate me further, the Nurse asked me to loosen my pants. "What? But didn't you say Shoulders?", I asked her. The Nurse gestured me to lay over my stomach. "Damn it! Do I have to do this in perfect view of the other 3 nurses?". Now I know how the Guinea Pigs feel when they are experimented with. I closed my eyes and set out into the Mysterious world of Narnia, because I had just seen "The chronicles of Narnia". "Oh! What a wonderful movie it was! I wish……". "Ok! You are done", said the Nurse. "What?", I said surprisingly to myself. "That really didn't hurt".
Next, the Nurse opened a Bottle of "Cutasept". "This should be an anti-SEPTic, because I am about to get CUT. CUTaSEPT". I had decoded the meaning of what that lotion was for. Ice cold water ran through my stomach. The Nurse painted me Orange with the Lotion. The doctor then injected anaesthesia round the area of the to-be-operated region. Now that hurt quite a lot. I started feeling numb all over the region where the Injection was applied. Now that the time had come, I felt braver. The doctor made a slight cut over the hand and there popped the notorious Duo. I didn't wish to whimper and displease the nurse so bit my lips. Then he cut its base and took off the two Lumps and laid them in a bowl. The same procedure was performed on my right hand. Anaesthesia, cut, pop and lay in the bowl. I was feeling like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie Terminator. The only difference was he had Bullets while I had Fatty Lumps removed.
I was proud of this moment. Whatever they were, they were my product. Oh! They looked so cute. 3 Lobes of Pink Coloured Fats. I asked the Nurse whether she would be keeping those or would be throwing it. She asked,"What? You want to take it home". Oh! what a nice idea. "I was actually thinking of taking a picture". "What are you going to do with the Photo?", asked the Nurse. "Oh! These people of my Hometown are so damn Technically backward"I told myself. I wasn't Sputtering incoherently. She had no idea of technology it seemed. I pitied the knowledge of the Nurse with respect to Technology. The nurse told me to lie on the bed for 5 Minutes and said she would be asking permission of the Doctor first. I was eager to get out and snatch the 3 Lobes. After 5 Minutes, I scrambled out of the Cot and crossed the room and changed into my TShirt. I waited at the reception for the Lobes. I recalled the nurse about the Lobes by moving my fingers, the way we would rotate a 2cm Radius Screw. She had a what-a-crazy-young-man smile. The nurse, then, after taking the permission of the Doctor handed me a plastic bottle half-filled with some liquid, in which floated the 3 Lobes. Naughty little Fatty Lumps that were the cause of I feeling shy to wear TShirts… No more..
I was, now, all green and resembled a Parrot. I could feel the Nurse already controlling her laughter behind my back. As if the humiliation wasn't enough, the Nurse told me to sit near the Reception where most patients were waiting for their turn to consult the Doctor. I knew if I went out in a dressed-to-kill costume like this I would either be the center of attraction for all the Giggling or the cause of the heart-attack of numerous Old Age men sitting outside. "No Problem! I am fine here", I answered the Nurse. "He is shy because of the Dress", told my Dad who had accompanied me to the Hospital. "Yeah! Yeah!", I told myself. The Nurse then moved me to the adjacent room.
The room, from what it looked like, was for Ladies-only. Need I say more. There were writings written all over, "Sex Determination is against the Law and isn't done here". "Hmm!!!!",I let out a long breath to calm myself down. I was getting thoughts. Thoughts of Dreadful and Creepy, blood sucking INJECTIONS. Man! I remember my sister bending one when she was a Child. "Humans are so technically ahead now. Why cant they find a Substitute for Injection when they know everyone fears it", I asked myself curiously.
10 minutes in the same room, and I found that people passing by the room weren't noticing me at all. People of my hometown are normally curious about anything and everything. Maybe, because I was like a Chameleon that had switched over to Green and camouflaged itself to the colour of the room.
Moments later, the Nurse gestured me to get into the Operation Theatre. I quickly passed through the corridor so that no one would get a chance to notice me and cherish this Kodak moment.
I entered the operation theatre. I was made to lie over a Metallic Cot. The Nurse moved the upper half of the Cot up, by rotating a rod just below my head. I stared up at the Two round lights exactly in front of me. They resembled the UFOs that I had seen in "Close encounters of the Third kind". Each of the UFOs had 4 Lights below. The doc turned the lights to life to Glimmer above me.
Since the operation was to be performed on both the hands, I was made to stretch them out, like Jesus Christ when he was crucified on the Cross. "Crucifixion?",I asked myself and gulped down another fear. I kept repeating in my mind, "The doctor said this is a MINOR surgery. There is nothing to be worried of.MINOR, MINOR, MINOR" . Man! I calmed myself down. My hard work went in vain when the Nurse turned back revealing the deadly injection in her hand. The doc had now clipped the wires of the Pulse-Measuring device to my finger and I could hear the frequency of the sound, which was actually my heartbeat, rising as the Nurse was moving closer with the injection. "Ok! Do it!", I closed my eyes. "I have to put an Injection on your shoulders, it wouldn't hurt", said the Nurse. "Yeah! Yeah! Injections wont hurt, like chocolates aren't sweet. Come on. Do it". To humiliate me further, the Nurse asked me to loosen my pants. "What? But didn't you say Shoulders?", I asked her. The Nurse gestured me to lay over my stomach. "Damn it! Do I have to do this in perfect view of the other 3 nurses?". Now I know how the Guinea Pigs feel when they are experimented with. I closed my eyes and set out into the Mysterious world of Narnia, because I had just seen "The chronicles of Narnia". "Oh! What a wonderful movie it was! I wish……". "Ok! You are done", said the Nurse. "What?", I said surprisingly to myself. "That really didn't hurt".
Next, the Nurse opened a Bottle of "Cutasept". "This should be an anti-SEPTic, because I am about to get CUT. CUTaSEPT". I had decoded the meaning of what that lotion was for. Ice cold water ran through my stomach. The Nurse painted me Orange with the Lotion. The doctor then injected anaesthesia round the area of the to-be-operated region. Now that hurt quite a lot. I started feeling numb all over the region where the Injection was applied. Now that the time had come, I felt braver. The doctor made a slight cut over the hand and there popped the notorious Duo. I didn't wish to whimper and displease the nurse so bit my lips. Then he cut its base and took off the two Lumps and laid them in a bowl. The same procedure was performed on my right hand. Anaesthesia, cut, pop and lay in the bowl. I was feeling like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie Terminator. The only difference was he had Bullets while I had Fatty Lumps removed.
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