Dear Diary,
I am sure that this week will surely endon a good note, being that it started as a long and weary one. First, I must call to mindthe ear infection and the trip to the emergency room that my son endured over the weekend and into Monday. And then, of course, there wasthe endless wait for his prescriptions on Monday afternoon. Just when I thought I was going to get a break from the sleepless week, I ended up with a stomach virus! And I say to myself, "What else could go wrong?" Well, I don't know and I am afraid to find out! On the other hand, I cannot wait until this school year is over with. I am dyingfrom lack of sleep. Going to bed at the crack of dawn just to be awaken an hour laterand then finding myself not able to sleep the whole entire day is starting to take its toll. Maybe I should get an appointment for suspicion of insomnia?
However, I suppose the lack of sleep is due tothe nonstop thinking that I do only in bed. Isn't it funny that at the exact moment thatyou lay down, tired from the day, you find yourself restless and thinking of the weirdest things? Take this asan example. I decided, after battling many hours with my headache, that I should lie down and maybe sleep. After all, I was tired and grumpy. I lay there in my bed and all I could do was look at the ceiling and think .That is all I do these days . I thought about why can't my dog just get the point and just go outside to do her business? Now, how hard is that? Then, my mindswitched to,"Oh no, I have an appointment with my son's teacher tommorow." And I won't even start to list everything I thought of. But why can't I just be like any normal person and lay down for once andfall asleep right away? I mean, there are times where I have literally passed out and a train couldn'thave woken me up. Of course, that's after staying up for about 2 days straight.
I have tried hot baths andsleeping aids (which I would like to point out aren't a good idea if you need to wak up four hours later) . I even counted sheep.Nothing worked! I finally thought my prayers were answered when I came acrossa digital alarm clockthat has sounds to which you could sleep. This had truly helped inthesensethat it had relaxed me so much that not only did I fall asleep, butI was in a deep sleep. This worked for me for about one night. And to be honest, the deep sleep was probablyfrom plain old exhaustion, I mean, what do you expect after three days of maybe four hours of sleep? When I turnthesoundson now,they just aggravate me, not only because ofhow annoying they are, butbecause I spent a pretty penny forthat dumb alarm. Oh well, at least I get to wake up to church bells. It's either that orbag pipes. Now, which one would you pick? My ritual now is to lie on the couch and watch somethinginterestinguntil Ipass out. But then I find myself moving the alarm clock into the living room and tucking the telephone next to my ear. When I do fall asleep, I wake up with my body just aching from all the positions I have put it through seeking comfort on my couch.
I think that my problem, for the most part, is that I let so much run through my mind and at night, when all is silent, I use that time to try to figure things out.I think thatall I reallyneed is to just clear my mind and sleep. But sleep has become a stranger these days. Being a mother, a writer, and dealing with family and school has gotten me to the point that I no longer can sleep like a baby. I now sleep with one eye open, if in fact I sleep at all. Maybe it is a sign that I should take a vacation. Till next time....
XOXO's,
Penny
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