Dear Diary,
Just tonight I had a talk with my one and only sister. She is only 18 months younger than me . But, lately she had been acting distant and sad. I decide that I would have a talk with her and try to see if maybe I can help her out in whatever situation she was in. Well, I got nothing but a wall. I guess I deserve it being that I wasn't such a great older sister to her growing up. You see when I was younger particularly in my teeenage years I wasn't much of a friend to her. I picked my friends over her and I rather had spent my "precious "time with them. I was the outgoing, great personality type and she was more of a loner of some sort. She always looked up to me. Always thought I was this person of greatness. Looking back I never gave her any sisterly advice while we were young. I never actually hung out and had gotten to know her. Looking back I would say I was not a sister to her. It saddens me to say that but it is the truth. And now at 25 I am trying to make up for those moments. And realize now that I am being selfish when she shuts me out. I feel like she wasn't giving me the chance to make it up to her. That she didn't want me to try to get close to her. Tonight, was the night where I had realized that I didn't know how to be a sister to her.
Now that I have grown and gotten wiser I realized that it will take alot to make up for all of the things I did and perhaps for the things I didn't do. I try now to give her soundly advice. And sometimes I pray that she takes them. Now, I look at her and see this great person I wanted to be. She doesn't know how much I admire her strength and ability to make people laugh even in the worse times. Maybe I don't tell her as often as I should. She never thought she was beautiful, she always thought I was the prettier one. But, what she doesn't know is that she is beautiful and there are times where I often look in the mirror and feel insecure as well as she does. She has a heart of gold. She would give the shirt off her back for me. And I have done nothing but neglected her. I sense a void in her in which I had made. And am forever trying to figure out how to fill.
I thought about all these things tonight after I came home from our talk. And decided that maybe I should just tell her in these simple words as I had explained them here. Maybe then she will know how I appreciate, respect and love her. But, it has scared me to think that I may never bring that wall down that I had non-chalantly built over the years. And that I may never have the chance to have the kind of relationship with my sister that I so badly need and want.
I guess through my little spill here tonight that there is a lesson to be learned. And that is never take for granted the people you love, be it your mother, father, sister, brother, husband, or wife. Sometimes these bridges do get burned beyond repair if you don't take the time to love someone. If I had it to do all over , I would trade a thousand years of popularity for one minute being my sister's best friend. I will continue to try until my dying breath. I will make a promise to always let her know that I love her and how great a person she is in my eyes. Matter of fact I'm going to call her right now.....till next time.
xoxo's.
Penny
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