Both Sides of the Red Carpet

Last
week I had the interesting experience of attending two red carpet
events in Los Angeles. I was at the first event as a guest and the
second as one of the hosts. The experience gave me a lot of insight
into the workings of Hollywood. First of all, let me make it clear that
I am a Hollywood "nobody". I am on the fringe of the fringes of the
entertainment industry, making me a clear and unbiased observer.

My
first party was a DVD release party, and I am pretty sure that the
person who invited me did so accidentally. I was excited to attend the
red carpet event, especially since it was at one of my favorite bars in
the world. The bar is in West Hollywood and is called Here. I mention
this because I think it might be the greatest name ever for a bar. The
initial time I went I had a real Abbot and Costello "Who's on First"
style drunken conversation with my cousin.

It went something like this:

"Hey, this place is great. What's the name of it?"

"Here."

"Yeah, here. This place is awesome. What's it called?"

"Here."

"Yes, here."

"Here."

"YES, here. What's the name of it?"

"Here. It's called Here."

"It's called what?"

"Not What, Here."

"For Christ's sake, what's the name of this place?!"

And so on and so on and so on. I love the name of that bar!


I invited my friend Jason to come with me because he's also an
aficionado of Here. Shortly after we arrived, we said hello to the
person who had invited me. He gave me the look of no recognition which
confirmed my feeling that he didn't really mean to invite me. Jason and
I had a great time hanging out, but we did not really mingle with the
other guests. I already mentioned that I'm nobody in the Hollywood
community, right? The few people who did take the time to speak to me
asked who I was. In my own imagination, I looked tall and fabulous and
like I could be important. Once they figured out that I wasn't, they
constantly scanned the room to see if there was anyone important there.


Disappointed, they quickly moved on. I noticed later that the famous
people were being given special gift bags, which I was not. The
Hollywood hierarchy deemed who was given free stuff. I enjoyed talking
with my friend Jason about life, love, and happiness. It was a better
gift than anything in a gift bag.

My second party of the
week was one I was helping to host. I was not involved in the planning,
but I did have the privilege of cleaning, working, etc. It was a
celebrity red carpet event that my boss was giving at my store. It was
billed as a charity event, but the point was to have an extravaganza to
get publicity. The preparations alone were staggering. I always thought
that having a party was supposed to be fun, but this was not fun at all.


If this party had a mathematical formula it would have been this:
celebrities + press = success. The focus was in having the type of
party that a celebrity would want to attend. This meant a red carpet
for them to walk on in their Jimmy Choo shoes and photo opportunities.
If it was worthy of the red carpet, it needed party planners, themes
and expensive preparations. The way to get celebrities to the party was
to promise that it was an honor to be invited, other celebrities would
be there, photographers would be there, exciting gift bags would be
given, and free alcohol and food would be served. The fact that it was
for a charity was barely mentioned.

On the night of the party,
I was surprised that I did not know who most of the guests were. There
were a lot of "stars" from the WB and UPN networks, as well as some
reality television show personalities. It gave me the odd feeling of
seeing someone with whom I went to high school. You know the weird
feeling that you think you know someone? If you were to talk with them,
you would realize that they were in your 10th grade math class or
something. I think that I maybe thought I knew them but just saw a
preview for a TV show they were on once. There were a couple of bigger
stars attending that I won't mention out of fear of being sued for
libel. I will say that out of 150 "celebrities" who attended, four of
them were incredibly nice and down to earth. The rest of them couldn't
wait to leave after the obligatory pictures and gift bags. I found out
that gift bags usually have gift certificates, fun and trendy items,
and a few gifts for the guests. For this party, we had two sets of gift
bags—a normal gift bag and an A-list bag. Of course, the Hollywood
hierarchy decided that the bigger stars got the nicer bags.

I
cannot understand the idea of giving free stuff to people who are rich
and famous. Why not give a gift certificate for a massage to a poor
single mother who has never had one before? Why not give a gift
certificate to a trendy restaurant to a homeless person who has not had
a decent meal in ages? We were giving gifts to people that could buy
almost anything they wanted, and they not only took them but felt
entitled to them. I've always heard that the more one has the more
people want to give. Banks want to lend you money when you already have
lots of it, but they won't give it to you when you are poor and need
it. The gift giving in Hollywood is not really giving because it is
expecting something in return.

What I learned last week was
that a Hollywood party is not party but a business event. It has
nothing to do with friendship and celebration and everything to do with
money and power. It is not genuine, and I will only go to another one
if it involves a real friend of mine. I think a party should be fun for
the people attending and for the people giving it. If a party is not
fun, it's work. Then it's not really a party, is it?