IS Money GOD?

I knelt, then genuflected before the hallowed altar. I stood up,
smiled and inserted my ATM card! I confessed my PIN! It graced me with
several twenties! The Fount, from which blessings flow, had sent me on
my merry way with freedoms and liberties, metaphorically, bulging from
my Levis! O, happy day!

Most people realize: " Money is a HASSLE! "
even if you have enough! It's a bigger hassle, IF YOU DON'T! Who hasn't
prayed for the necessary exact change at a bus, toll road, or pay
toilet?? Which one of us will claim they haven't prayed for salvation….
in the form of a timely tax refund check, or birthday gift? Those who
pray to God are far out-numbered by those who pray for money! Waay, way far!
In your soul of souls, you know it's true! Look around people! Look at
us! We have to ask ourselves: Is MONEY God or is GOD money?

I made a few pitiful offerings at the local Kit ‘n Kaboodle mart and my lady's flat!


I split for the Post Office and saw a guy, spare-changing on the
street. He claimed he wanted something to eat. I offered him one of the
bananas I'd bought at the Fill-er-up. This guy looked at me like I was
crazy! Now, not withstanding the fact that I am partially loony, and at
least 53% crazy, this shook me and put me off. Hadn't I just offered to
share my precious? The infidel! (small i) Doubtless, this
misguided miscreant was just waiting until he had enough cash to buy
some nuclear bombs or something dangerous like that! However, I handed
him a dollar, wished him good luck, then continued on my pilgrimage.
Sawbuck forgives him!

As I drove past my former stockbroker's building, I nodded, in memoriam!


I still get misty; you see, since the recent, very painful death of my
retirement portfolio (sniff-sniff). Sometimes I light a candle over
there and leave a few quarters on the ledge - in Tribute (sob). The
tech bubble broke, and so were we! It still gets me. They say that for
as long as you keep the memory in your heart, it will always be alive.
I miss you IRA! I miss you too, ROTH (sniff-sniff)!

It's my
theory that the reverence we hold for money comes straight from how our
Mom and Dad raised and trained us! Which of us is culturally controlled (by God) more than they are environmentally conditioned (by money)?


Face it: Far more people today live without God than live without
money! This blinding parallel between God and money reveals itself in
vicious surprise attacks, too. Today, marriage is (pretty much)
expected to be blessed by The Almighty dollar. Lord help you if you
happen to be not so blessed!

" DO YOU PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR, AND BALANCE THE CHECKBOOK? "

or: " HONEY, WHERE DID YOU HIDE THOSE HOTEL SOAPS?

or: " UNTIL YOUR BANKRUPT… US DO PART."

Ebenezer Scrooge told us: " Money is the only thing between us and our graves! " Nah! NOT! Bogus! I don't think so! Know this: you cannot take your money in the grave with you, but you can
take your God with you! There's still a lot more time for fun between
now and the grave. It doesn't matter what your age or attitude happens
to be. One's particular karma aside, all of God's chilluns' deserve to
have some fun. Fun is the grease that keeps our 'Wheel of Life' from
groaning too much. Fun will certainly get you through times of no money
so much better than money will get you through times of no fun! What's
stopping you from going out, right now, and getting some fun? So,
what's stopping you?...

After thirty years as a stand up comic,
I've visited nearly every state and some thirty-six countries. I will
admit, I went and did it all for the laughs and fun. Fittingly, I never
asked to be rich and famous. Amusingly, it's worked out that way. I
didn't want to pray to God for money; I prayed for God's help to get
better at being funny. You see, in my wide, wide wacky world, LAUGHTER
is the coin of the realm! In that regard, the nice folks who've laughed
for me have made me rich. I got what I asked for. Thank you God - thank
you very much!

The ultimate lesson I learned was: Money is not God! Repeat: Money is not God!

LAUGHTER IS GOD!