It's Deadly Species, and the only thing deadly in it is the dull.
Deadly Species
DVD
*
Directed by
Daniel Springen
Writing credits
Rory Penland
Bill Suchy
Pete Penuel .... Dr. Brinson Thomas
Allison Adams .... Marta Thomas
Brian Minyard .... Wilson Friels
Britt George .... Laird Kleeger
Jenny Coyle .... Jessica
Samaral Ibanez
David Midthunder
Heather Petrone .... Lori
R
90min
Ah,
here we go again...here comes another heaping steaming dose of tripe
that'll make you hate Artisan Home Entertainment, and shake your head
in scornful wonderment that this bunch of no - names is so desperate
for work that they're prepared to act in this pile of straight-to-video
dung, thus destroying their careers before they even get started.
We
start out with a couple who looks like they've gone ten rounds with
either a quisinart or several angry IRS agents rushing back to their
now-empty camp in the middle of the jungle. As is the standard for
things like this, they're the ONLY ones surprised that the camp is
empty. Most of the audience kind of figured it would be when they saw
there was even a camp in the first place. A matter of seconds later,
they're killed by whatever it was that did the wounding.
Since
I saw neither electrical cables or briefcases and cheap suits, I'm
forced to assume that it was neither a quisinart nor the IRS.
Which
is kind of sad because I'd LOVE to see a horror movie involving
quisinarts or the IRS. I think it'd be a real step up from SOME of the
tripe we get on the video store shelves these days.
But then a
new character steps in who may well interest the IRS...a fellow named
Wilson Friels is prepared to fund a college professor's expedition to
go hunting after Indians, which by now should have every single hackle
in the audience raised high enough to hang a flag from. Anyone who
hasn't figured out that there's a link between the jungle we just saw
and our boy Wilson should now eject their DVD, use it as a coaster, and
re-enroll in the third grade.
But our professor hasn't quite
caught on yet, and packs up his partner and a handful of coeds to ship
off to the jungle to go hunting for an elusive Indian tribe called the
Calusa, which are, apparently, on a deserted island in the middle of a
swamp accessible only by airboat. This means they're going to have a
serious problem when people start dying and they can't get off the
island. This is the kind of thing Gilligan had nightmares about.
Our
intrepid pack of dead meat-to-be sets up camp on the deserted island
with the last Calusa settlement on it, and by the fire, we learn that
the secret of the Calusa involves the secret of life and death, along
with "evil creatures" that guard it.
With the scene set up with
all the subtlety of dynamite in a china shop, we hear rumblings in the
jungle or forest or wherever we are, this by whatever is watching the
camp.
A little while later, our party comes across what's left
of a dismembered corpse, and this gets most everyone into a panic.
Seems they've figured out what we ALL did twenty minutes ago--when
there's only one way off the island that won't be back for several
days, you're STUCK THERE! With whatever thing that has a taste for
pre-processed Soylent Green!
Better yet, the party has managed to find the entrance to the place where the whole "secret of life and death" thing was kept.
One
of our coeds gets naked just in time to get messily killed and dragged
off somewhere by the island's resident monsters. Boy, isn't it terribly
convenient that she didn't get killed until AFTER she started bathing
in the creek? What would this movie be without the distraction of naked
women? Pretty much the same thing it is WITH the distraction of naked
women - total, utter crap!
Then, the movie decides it'd be fun
to rip off Congo for a few minutes and set up a 'perimeter defense
system' against the horde of unknown human-hungry what's-its out in the
trees. Casualties begin to mount and Wilson breaks out the guns to
augment the perimeter system.
Finally, the movie launches into an ending that is truly incoherent.
The
movie comes with subtitles and audio options, along with a still photo
gallery and trailers for this movie and others, such as Bloody Murder
2, The Pool, Down Time, and Legion of the Dead.
So all in all, Deadly Species is only deadly dull and should be avoided unless you're truly desperate for a horror movie.
Deadly Species
DVD
*
Directed by
Daniel Springen
Writing credits
Rory Penland
Bill Suchy
Pete Penuel .... Dr. Brinson Thomas
Allison Adams .... Marta Thomas
Brian Minyard .... Wilson Friels
Britt George .... Laird Kleeger
Jenny Coyle .... Jessica
Samaral Ibanez
David Midthunder
Heather Petrone .... Lori
R
90min
Ah,
here we go again...here comes another heaping steaming dose of tripe
that'll make you hate Artisan Home Entertainment, and shake your head
in scornful wonderment that this bunch of no - names is so desperate
for work that they're prepared to act in this pile of straight-to-video
dung, thus destroying their careers before they even get started.
We
start out with a couple who looks like they've gone ten rounds with
either a quisinart or several angry IRS agents rushing back to their
now-empty camp in the middle of the jungle. As is the standard for
things like this, they're the ONLY ones surprised that the camp is
empty. Most of the audience kind of figured it would be when they saw
there was even a camp in the first place. A matter of seconds later,
they're killed by whatever it was that did the wounding.
Since
I saw neither electrical cables or briefcases and cheap suits, I'm
forced to assume that it was neither a quisinart nor the IRS.
Which
is kind of sad because I'd LOVE to see a horror movie involving
quisinarts or the IRS. I think it'd be a real step up from SOME of the
tripe we get on the video store shelves these days.
But then a
new character steps in who may well interest the IRS...a fellow named
Wilson Friels is prepared to fund a college professor's expedition to
go hunting after Indians, which by now should have every single hackle
in the audience raised high enough to hang a flag from. Anyone who
hasn't figured out that there's a link between the jungle we just saw
and our boy Wilson should now eject their DVD, use it as a coaster, and
re-enroll in the third grade.
But our professor hasn't quite
caught on yet, and packs up his partner and a handful of coeds to ship
off to the jungle to go hunting for an elusive Indian tribe called the
Calusa, which are, apparently, on a deserted island in the middle of a
swamp accessible only by airboat. This means they're going to have a
serious problem when people start dying and they can't get off the
island. This is the kind of thing Gilligan had nightmares about.
Our
intrepid pack of dead meat-to-be sets up camp on the deserted island
with the last Calusa settlement on it, and by the fire, we learn that
the secret of the Calusa involves the secret of life and death, along
with "evil creatures" that guard it.
With the scene set up with
all the subtlety of dynamite in a china shop, we hear rumblings in the
jungle or forest or wherever we are, this by whatever is watching the
camp.
A little while later, our party comes across what's left
of a dismembered corpse, and this gets most everyone into a panic.
Seems they've figured out what we ALL did twenty minutes ago--when
there's only one way off the island that won't be back for several
days, you're STUCK THERE! With whatever thing that has a taste for
pre-processed Soylent Green!
Better yet, the party has managed to find the entrance to the place where the whole "secret of life and death" thing was kept.
One
of our coeds gets naked just in time to get messily killed and dragged
off somewhere by the island's resident monsters. Boy, isn't it terribly
convenient that she didn't get killed until AFTER she started bathing
in the creek? What would this movie be without the distraction of naked
women? Pretty much the same thing it is WITH the distraction of naked
women - total, utter crap!
Then, the movie decides it'd be fun
to rip off Congo for a few minutes and set up a 'perimeter defense
system' against the horde of unknown human-hungry what's-its out in the
trees. Casualties begin to mount and Wilson breaks out the guns to
augment the perimeter system.
Finally, the movie launches into an ending that is truly incoherent.
The
movie comes with subtitles and audio options, along with a still photo
gallery and trailers for this movie and others, such as Bloody Murder
2, The Pool, Down Time, and Legion of the Dead.
So all in all, Deadly Species is only deadly dull and should be avoided unless you're truly desperate for a horror movie.
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