10. Great Articulation. During his press conferences I've yet to hear
the president mispronounce a word or desecrate the English language. Moreover,
I've never heard him utter anything of a moronic nature. Well, except for the
time when he said "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
And let's not forget he also stated, "I am honored to shake the hand of a
brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." On second
thought, it's clear that we have to deviate from the articulate angle. What a
pity!
9. He is so charismatic. Whenever I see the president, visions of Howdy
Doody spring to mind. For those 30 and under, Howdy Doody is the puppet from
a 1950s children's TV show. And just like Howdy, Bush too has an
exaggerated smile. Another similarity the two share is that they're both stiff as
a board. Which explains why the president's decision to invade Iraq was
equivalent to that of a puppet on a string.
8. His patriotism. Unlike many young men who opted not to go to Vietnam,
Bush served his country by enrolling in the National Guard. And as soon as
those military records are found, just like the weapons of mass destruction he
adamantly refers to, everyone will appreciate this man's love for his
country. What a man, What a man!
7. He always tells the truth. That's right, our president is so honest you
can believe everything he says and then some. And for anyone who disagrees with
him, they're depicted as "lip scrunching, jaw-jerking, anti-patriotic
liberals." Case in point: If Bush says John Kerry is too progressive to be
elected president-- it's probably true. After all this is the man who told us
umpteenth times that Saddam Hussein has ties to Al-Qaeda. And on that note I
can honestly say, Dubya gives new meaning to the phrase TALKING LOUD AND
SAYING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
6. His sense of humor. For instance, whenever the president comes on my TV
screen I automatically burst into laughter. Yeah, that silly grin and
lumbering walk gets me every time. Perhaps if he stopped flashing that bogus
smile the laughter would stop. Or perhaps not.
5. His Moral Fiber. Oh man what a saint. Besides doing a "little drinking"
in his youth, this guy is so morally pure I want to tell the whole world.
I bet you won't catch an intern kissing this president Besides, he's too busy
extolling his role as the "war president." Ah, why can't we all be
this perfect?
4. His intelligence. Honestly, have we ever had a commander-in-chief who
was so smart? Hey, can you spell dummylicious? pronounced dum-e-lish-ous.
Don't worry he can't either.
3. Compassion. He has it in droves, especially when targeting special
interest groups and organizations. For example, lauding the immorality of same
sex marriage to secure his conservative voter base. That's right George, when
your administration fails to scare everyone with its vague terrorist
threat alerts, the next step is to play the family values card. The president
is probably thinking, if I can't scare the American people into re-electing
me by raising the terrorist alert when it suits me, I will remind them about
those men and women who get a thrill out of drilling each other instead of
the opposite sex. We humorists call such behavior, the incorrigible jabs of a
real GIRLIE MAN.
2. Honesty: Oh how can I say it? Let me count the ways. I would love to but
time doesn't permit me to engage in such fantasies.
1. Major Insomnia Reliever: Within seconds after seeing or hearing the
president, I quickly fall asleep. So who needs over the counter sleep aids
when George W. Bush is available? According to sources who requested
anonymity, the president is so boring, he would make a dead man rise from his grave.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! And there you have it, 10 reasons why conservatives love George
W. Bush. And if you can't figure out the logic behind this commentary you
are truly an admirer. So, what does that say about you?
the president mispronounce a word or desecrate the English language. Moreover,
I've never heard him utter anything of a moronic nature. Well, except for the
time when he said "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
And let's not forget he also stated, "I am honored to shake the hand of a
brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." On second
thought, it's clear that we have to deviate from the articulate angle. What a
pity!
9. He is so charismatic. Whenever I see the president, visions of Howdy
Doody spring to mind. For those 30 and under, Howdy Doody is the puppet from
a 1950s children's TV show. And just like Howdy, Bush too has an
exaggerated smile. Another similarity the two share is that they're both stiff as
a board. Which explains why the president's decision to invade Iraq was
equivalent to that of a puppet on a string.
8. His patriotism. Unlike many young men who opted not to go to Vietnam,
Bush served his country by enrolling in the National Guard. And as soon as
those military records are found, just like the weapons of mass destruction he
adamantly refers to, everyone will appreciate this man's love for his
country. What a man, What a man!
7. He always tells the truth. That's right, our president is so honest you
can believe everything he says and then some. And for anyone who disagrees with
him, they're depicted as "lip scrunching, jaw-jerking, anti-patriotic
liberals." Case in point: If Bush says John Kerry is too progressive to be
elected president-- it's probably true. After all this is the man who told us
umpteenth times that Saddam Hussein has ties to Al-Qaeda. And on that note I
can honestly say, Dubya gives new meaning to the phrase TALKING LOUD AND
SAYING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
6. His sense of humor. For instance, whenever the president comes on my TV
screen I automatically burst into laughter. Yeah, that silly grin and
lumbering walk gets me every time. Perhaps if he stopped flashing that bogus
smile the laughter would stop. Or perhaps not.
5. His Moral Fiber. Oh man what a saint. Besides doing a "little drinking"
in his youth, this guy is so morally pure I want to tell the whole world.
I bet you won't catch an intern kissing this president Besides, he's too busy
extolling his role as the "war president." Ah, why can't we all be
this perfect?
4. His intelligence. Honestly, have we ever had a commander-in-chief who
was so smart? Hey, can you spell dummylicious? pronounced dum-e-lish-ous.
Don't worry he can't either.
3. Compassion. He has it in droves, especially when targeting special
interest groups and organizations. For example, lauding the immorality of same
sex marriage to secure his conservative voter base. That's right George, when
your administration fails to scare everyone with its vague terrorist
threat alerts, the next step is to play the family values card. The president
is probably thinking, if I can't scare the American people into re-electing
me by raising the terrorist alert when it suits me, I will remind them about
those men and women who get a thrill out of drilling each other instead of
the opposite sex. We humorists call such behavior, the incorrigible jabs of a
real GIRLIE MAN.
2. Honesty: Oh how can I say it? Let me count the ways. I would love to but
time doesn't permit me to engage in such fantasies.
1. Major Insomnia Reliever: Within seconds after seeing or hearing the
president, I quickly fall asleep. So who needs over the counter sleep aids
when George W. Bush is available? According to sources who requested
anonymity, the president is so boring, he would make a dead man rise from his grave.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! And there you have it, 10 reasons why conservatives love George
W. Bush. And if you can't figure out the logic behind this commentary you
are truly an admirer. So, what does that say about you?
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