Democrat's Pre-Nuptial Contract!

Democrats need the strongest
effort in history to regain control of Congress. I believe their leaders need a framework to
attract the huge number of voters needed.
Something with a real catchy name. So, watch out America, here
comes the Democratic Party's

Pre-Nuptial Contract with America:

They should begin this agreement
with a task easily accomplished like:

Grant subpoena power to all
committees in 2007. Even if we don't find
any prosecutable offenses, it will make the guilty ones and the Republicans
make a mess in their pants for at least three months.

Find a) all non-combatant
detainees... b) Waldo... c) the Writ of Habeas Corpus...and PUT THEM BACK
WHERE THEY BELONG!

If elected officials screw the
public, the public gets to screw them back!

Any member in either House voting
for war... has to go fight in it!

Fix New Orleans!

Discontinue addressing our three
branches of government as: "Larry, Moe and Curly"

Congress will take a $10,000 pay
cut for every month that gasoline costs more than $1.50 per gallon.

Convince Ralph Nader to stop
running for office, EVER! (Consider asking Al Gore and John Kerry also!)

We will export Mike Tyson as a
butler for Venezuela's
Hugo Chavez.

Tell North Korea and Kim Jong Il that he
was being considered for the heavy in the next big karate blockbuster movie,
but now…we're not really sure if he's tall enough.

Inform Russia and President Putin to
straighten up and fly right, or we'll send all the Russians with bad attitudes
over here, back over there.

All UN diplomats will pay all of
their parking tickets, or we will send them straight home with no baggage. Or souvenirs.

Reverse global warming by forcing
chubbies like Kirsty Alley and Rosie O'Donnell to stop wearing those damn
corduroy pants.

Put Jack Abramoff, Duke
Cunningham, Mark Foley, Bob Ney, Tom Delay, William Jefferson, and Scooter
Libby in orange jumpsuits on a reality TV show, rebuilding levies.

Institute a National Speed Limit
of 90 mph to reduce our SUV population.

We promise to publicly pants Bill
O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh.

Starting tomorrow, America will apply the same tactics that we used
on Pakistan…to
Mel Gibson too!

Demilitarize Outer Space, East
L.A., and Detroit.

Enact a new law: Anyone who
cannot pronounce the word: "nuclear" is prohibited from
holding federal office…EVER!

Restrict torture to the political
advisors and lawyers who approved it!

Impound Dick Cheney's
shotgun!

Nobody named Bush can be
president for at least three generations!

We will STOP Saturday
Night Live immediately!

We will restore planetary status
to Pluto and Pavarotti.

We will make it possible for the
Chicago Cubs to win the World Series in 2007.
The savings in "suffering"
and "bitching" alone will be huge.

We vow to either catch
Osama bin Laden, OR cancel that "Head-On! Apply directly to the
forehead" commercial.

One or the other.

As witnessed this day:_________________________

Grand Poobah of the Donkey Party:_____________________