Okay, Now ... Just Breathe
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Hmm... / Entertainment

By Mark Jabo, Heads or Tales


T
he carbon police are coming for you. Yes, you.


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Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Did you think just because you bought all your food within a 75-foot radius of your house, wore clothes made out recycled water bottles and only went online when you could find a friend to share the same monitor that you’d be immune from the global warming police?

Think again, Planet Killer.

Over at Eco-Fabulous, they remind us no one is safe. No one.


Try to be a little flexible...

As you chant your mantra, ponder the inter-connectedness of all living things and risk pulling a groin muscle, you should know that your yoga class is part of the climate change problem.

Wait, … what? How is my Warrior Pose at war with the Earth’s delicate temperature balance? Is there a glacier receding on my Mountain Posture or something?

Relax. It’s not you, it’s your equipment. That mat you’re using? Probably PVC, polyvinyl chloride. Sure, at $10.99 it’s cheap … but so is an illegal handgun.

And your mat is almost as deadly. You can tell by all the people who are just lying there, lifeless, in yoga class. They’re either dead or just meditating … but do we really know for sure? And do you really want to take that chance?

The solution? Make sure your yoga mat is made from biodegradable natural rubber.

Like all good green products it’s only seven times more expensive than the killer PVC mat you’re using now but you’d have to be a real downward facing dog to put a price on saving the planet for your children and your children’s mutated children.

I know you’re probably saying, “They’ll get my yoga mat when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.” Or maybe you’re one of those people who think that if yoga mats are illegal, then only Buddhists will have yoga mats.

It’s time to move beyond simple bumper sticker or henna tattoo slogans.

Statistics don’t lie. If everyone in the country who stuck with yoga for more than six months threw out their mats, it would be enough to cover the lounge area of your local Starbucks.

Imagine the ecological carnage. We could see 30-50% of all coffee house posers become extinct over the next 50 years.

Before you exhale, you should know it’s not just your mat that’s the problem.

What did you think those foam support blocks are made from? That’s right, Tantric Dan — old dinosaurs, black gold … oil, that is.

You’ll want to go with an environmentally friendly block made of bamboo.

This way you’ll be purchasing a carbon offset for when the fire department comes with the jaws of life to extricate you from the lotus position.




AUTHOR: Mark Jabo

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